For the longest time, I would seek love in all the wrong places. Now, I’m learning to love myself first. I’m not entirely sure if I would do this purposefully or if I wanted a love that others around me had. Living in a society where it’s normal to post our lives on social media, it’s hard not to compare yourself to others – or at least it was for me, anyway. As a twenty-something year old, I would have expected by now to be swept off my feet. But I think within all of this, it’s important for me to remember that a love from a man, or anyone for that matter, isn’t needed to find happiness or acceptance. Life is certainly too short to be spent waiting endlessly for someone that may never come. So with that resolution, I decided to work on loving myself instead. I knew there was something missing within myself that would allow myself to feel insecure. I decided to seek and strengthen my relationship with God. This was something that changed my perspective and I’m a more balanced person because of it. I’ve also realized that some of us are only single for a short amount of time. Some people have to learn about who they are while still learning about the person they are with. It’s a lot to take on and I’m not sure if I would’ve been ready for that. And maybe being single in my twenties is how my story is supposed to go. I’ve decided I’m not going to force anything to happen, and if it does, it does.
In order to find absolute acceptance, I had to seek it from myself. I know it might sound silly, but this really helped me find true confidence. I reflected on the things I love about myself and the things I wanted to change. The things I wanted to change ended up being insecurities created by comparison. I’m still working on my insecurities every day. It’s not something that will go away in a short period of time. But admitting that I have them and knowing what they are is the first step to finding acceptance. I can understand each journey of self-love is different, but the most important lesson I’ve learned along the way is to simply not care about what others think about you. I’m still working on this too, but I know once I get this lesson down, I will find the personal acceptance I’ve always been looking for.
Seeking God First
Having a relationship with God is so special to me. There are moments in life where without Him I don’t know where I would be and I’m extremely grateful for it. As you may know, this crazy thing we call life can get the best of us. I know that on my worst days I’m seeking any joy I can get. It’s so refreshing to be able to read scripture and know how much God really loves me. There are certainly days where I don’t feel valued or loved and to be able to pray and let go of my doubts and give them God is an unexplainable feeling of gratitude. I know in my heart that God’s love for me is unconditional and there’s a reason for that. I am someone worth being loved, sometimes I forget that. I need to focus on God during this time of ‘loving myself, first’ and not be distracted; distracted by fabricated versions of love and comparing myself to other people.
Being single in your twenties can have it’s pros and cons, for sure. I definitely pictured my life to be different, but I’m embracing it now. I’m still learning about myself and it’s for the best that I’m single during this period in my life. Of course, I would love to share special moments with a significant other, but right now I’m learning to love myself (and I’m finding that more sustainable). There shouldn’t be a rush to find someone either. I remember seeking for love or forcing it to happen, and I regretted that decision as I wasn’t happy with myself. Being single can be seen as a gift, there’s a reason for all of us that are single. I can’t exactly explain to you as to why we are single, but let me share you my perspective. This is a time to be able to do the things God intended for us to do, without being held back by someone us. Your partner doesn’t necessarily hold you back but a portion of delicate time will go to them once you’re committed, right? Maybe this a time for us all to learn more about ourselves and discover more about the society around us. I believe there is a reason for everything. I don’t know all of the answers but I have faith in the path that I’m currently on.
I’m still very new to blogging, but I wanted my blog to be an outlet for myself to finally get a little vulnerable. It’s easy to feel alone in such a big world, I get it. And I think it’s important to share our feelings, and not hide within ourselves. It’s okay not to be perfect and it’s okay to have bad days. We are gifted a new day everytime we wake up and it’s up to us what we do with it. Today, I’m going to love myself, trust God, and that will be enough.
Photography by: Jenni Kupelian Photography